what do you expect?

not much from me, if you actually read this. i haven't updated. life is busy. but i did want to say that with the approach of the new year, i have one more book to read toward my 25 ... and i'm in process of reading two with a few days off for the holiday during which i'll be roommate less and sorta bored, so finishing one of those book is pretty likely! and if not, i should at least get an A for effort.

my counterpart -- the much more motivated hugh gilmore who inspired this challenge -- is on his 98th book of the year, with the goal of reading 100. good luck to him!

happy holidays!

a lil update

ok, it's been a while again, but i'm back for a bit.

on saturday, Mugshots held its first-ever charity run and it went swimmingly! we had about 30 runners and raised $650 for back on my feet, which was so exciting for me! it's not a huge dent in their goal to $50,000, but hey, it's something, and it was certainly lots of fun. more photos are avilable here.


also, i'm on book 22 in my goal of reading 25 by the end of the year. i've been slacking a bit because life is busy, but i'm working hard at it. the last one i read, ask the dust by john fante, was a suggested reading by hugh gilmore who writes for the local. i liked it -- it felt like i was reading the catcher in the rye of writers in their 20-somethings, but this guy, arturo bandini, was less crazy. it was good though. now i'm on naked lunch by william burroughs, a book that basically seems to be about drugs and being addicted and in a cloudy haze of that addiction. we'll see.... so far it seems better than the stupid million little pieces, which i didn't enjoy (granted,i only read the first few pages, but that is because i didn't want to go further). that selection is based on its mention in the perks of being a wallflower. i'll let you know how it goes :)

oh to fly away....

oh i've been given the traveling bug! now that i don't mind flying, i can't wait to escape again. i'm itching. i'm pawing. i'm yearning to fly away from here to .... somewhere. oh it would be lovely. it doesn't help, either, that i work with a guy who just up and left for new zealand and ireland on his own, and lived there for months on his own. i'm so jealous. he said there were girls traveling alone and i hate to be "this girl" but as a female can i up and do that on my own? (i think so *wink*)

anyways, i'm at least going to save up now for next summer's vacation. i want to fly away from here -- the destination yet undetermined. i hope to make it worth it though (whatever that means -- hmmm).

in the meantime, i might fantasize about flying away ... a girl an dream, but can she get the guts?

is reading twain cheating?

is reading mark twain's tom sawyer cheating in the 25 list of books? i don't think so ... not any more than a wrinkle in time i guess, plus i've never read tom sawyer, believe it or not. i was just talking about this with erin (photographer at the Local) today, because there are many classics i missed out on reading because of switching from catholic school to public and changing levels in school and whatnot. for example, i read lord of the flies and catcher in the rye on my own, and now tom sawyer. i missed out on 1984 -- which i've read -- and animal farm, which i purchased to read, today.

by the way, though i love borders book store, please seek out book sales. i just bought 12 books today for $3.50. can you believe that? i got classics such as hemingway and orwell, and the newer apparently very good memior naked. very excited to get to all of them, and they cost only a quarter or 50 cents. and better yet, some have that old musty book smell and others have notes in the margins or doodles on the front covers, likely done by a bored student in class. it just makes reading these pieces feel like not only are you learning and growing, but you are continuing something that already started -- sharing in the experience, even if that sharing was in the past.

read on, my friends.

thoughts after the trip.....

i waited til after i returned home from vacation to write this about my trip ... it's a much different tone than the fun mentioned below....

jorge, our tour guide on the way to tulum, stands in front of about 30 vacationers on the bus. some passengers, in their white linen, super-star sunglasses and wide-brimmed straw hats doze while he speaks. others chat with their neighbors. others genuinely listen. but before he speaks about the mayan ruins we're about to visit, and before he shares the history of the mayans who are still very much a live today, jorge thanks us all. he thanks us for allowing he and his fellow mayans and mexicans to serve us on our vacation because our trips, our visiting the palace resorts, is sending his children to school and putting food on his and many other mayan families' tables.

i think this was a genuine expression of appreciation, and i imagine it made some of that buses' passengers feel good on the inside, but all i kept wondering was whether jorge, and raul (who brought us drink after drink at the bar) and christina (who greeted us by name when we entered the restaurant) were ever waited on. did they ever kick back by the crystal blue water of the pool, have a cerveza and watch their children ply gleefully in the water? i don't think that happened for them, yet here they were greeting us happily (or seemingly so) each day, sharing with us and providing us something they were never able to obtain.

i took a few photos on our taxi ride back to the aeropuerto, but as you can imagine they didn't come out well, so hopefully i can explain the vast difference i witnessed in passing the beautiful resorts and small mexican towns.

as you can see in the photos below, the resorts of riveria maya are beautiful. the beaches are white, the water is teal, and the pools and resorts' grounds are so well manicured, you'd never be able to tell the difference between a florida resort and one in mexico. it have been in any resort town -- from Florida to Spain. it really just had the generic feel of being at a classy vacation destination. i feel i missed out a bit, not experiencing the real mexico.

but while i didn't experience it, i did witness it. driving between resorts, i saw one of two things. i saw either amazing archways of other resorts and the construction of another future amazing archway ... or i saw the real towns, where the residents lived while they weren't working at the resorts.

just outside the gates of a resort, the "forest" was unkept and wild. cement blocks, downed trees, cast-away stones and more were piled just outside the view of those visitors who choose only to focus on the resorts' large archways. it was easy to ignore the mess as you drove through those immense gates into a heavenly paradise.

but beyond that mess was more -- there were forest and trees, broken up by little towns of huts and occasionally larger, bustling towns with old, broken down bodegas and other shops that were interspersed with large chains including -- and i'm not even joking -- Office Depot and Sam's Club (with their signs in English!). small cars and bikes carried the residents to their destinations, and i saw many sitting in the back of pick up trucks -- i was shocked at the stereotype played out before my eyes.

we also drove past two or three military wagons with camo-uniformed soldiers carrying very large guns on their laps -- something you'd never see in america today, and something that shocked me but seemed the norm to the residents of these towns which the militia drove through.

the world outside the resorts -- the real mexico -- was entirely different from that of inside the resorts, and i felt myself wishing i could have a cerveza at the local bar rather than the "exotic" pool side. and it amazed me that the only way we could help these people is by vacationing in the extravagant resorts situated next to their run-down homes -- it reminded me of charities that host expensive galas to raise money for a good cause -- when the entire expense of the party could have been donated to the cause.

i understand that's life, but something about it just didn't seem right.....

adios mexico!

at the aeropuerto waiting for our flight ... caye is whining in my ear, which is lovely, and i had to check in my carry on because i brought tequila and wine in it and you aren't allowed liquids on the plane. sigh. but we went through security and bag check in muy rapido, so we have time to wait ... i might end up taking a nap, but then i might miss seeing the muchacho muy guapo that may be on the same flight as us. hmmmm.

Mexico: Sunday, Sept. 2 at Tulum

tulum, only 25 minutes from our resort, was definitely the best part of this trip. it's a mayan ruins that was built around 500-550 ad and lived in for about 1,000 years (according to our awesome tour guide, jorge). it was not only facsinating to see this walled in former mayan village (they REALLY protected themselves, with a coral reef out in the ocean we could see the waves breaking on -- apparently the second largest in the world right now! -- and zigzag trails with entrances that allowed one person to pass through into the town at a time ... it was fascinating!) but it was also beautiful beyond anything i've seen in a long time. the water and beach and the entire thing naturally looked liked what i would see in a screen svaer or postcard. i purposely did nothing to these in photoshop except make them small enough for internet so you could see what i saw. enjoy!!!!!


buildings of the old mayan town -- look at that lookout tower ... takes my breath still every time i see it.


































these are all scenes from the cliff -- again, not allowed down on the beach (grrrrrrrr) but ... just look.






























































jude and i saw a living in the wild pelican flying by -- i was hoping he'd swoop down and fill his beak with water and potential fish, but we were not fortunate enough to see that. i was fortnate enough to grab this pic though. and we found TONS of lizards. one guy stared me down (and another bit dad!)











there was a large flea market, but we didn't go shopping there -- we hit a legit mayan market on the way home -- gina and i did, however, need to get a photo with this interesting looking fellow!

Mexico: Friday, Sept. 1 at Moon Palace

xpuha, where we are staying, is owned by palace resorts which owns about seven others -- so we got to visit another on saturday. it was admittedly more beautiful in the traditional resort sense than ours, but eh, i like xpuha better still. this place was whoa disney-world. but enjoy the photos!



















but just like at out resort, there was no beach use *tear* because as you can see there were nasty black backwash on the edge of the beach. it was lovely beyond that nastiness though, and i went for a walk alone and tried taking a pic of myself with the beach ... haha.





















we pretty much sat at the pool all day, which at times was boring because the book i was reading wasn't at riveting as the previous days. but i did meet these two beautiful parrots with a woman at the pool... but when i went to pet them we got discovered we couldn't take photos unless she took them and printed them for $15!! mom mom decided she wanted them so we did -- and i figured i'd include them because they were fun and for $15, they better get some use! haha





















bryan, caye and i went minigolfing while everyone else went to beautify themselves at the spa -- and i think we've turned bryan and caye into psuedo alchies with trips to the swim-up bar for (virgin!) piña coladas and BBCs to match our alcholic ones.





















plenty of family photo-ing going on that night .... here's gina, marissa, me and dad in front of the caribbean sea ... don't we look just like him? lol





















horsing around at dinner and before we catch our taxi home ... it was a la dia muy larga. yo soy muy contenta a ir xpuha.

ahhh, i'm not that good at blogging :)

now, i'm watching nickolodeon with caye in spanish .... or, in the words of the mexicans, ahora, yo veo nickolodeon con caye en español. it's weird how being here makes you wish you paid attention during the four years of spanish you had in high school.

the past two days have been filled with laying at the pool, so there aren't MANY interesting photos, so i'll share when i return ... :) miss yunk and terrace and peanut and my friends

Mexico: Wednesday, Aug. 29

i know i said i wasn't going to bring my computer, but it's the only way i can charge my iPod, and that is my saving grace this week. and i've decided to document my short family vacation in my blog -- though i think i'll do it mainly through pics and captions :) so enjoy it daily, if you so desire.

flight
at first i was afraid, i was pertrified
i didn't take any photos while flying so let me tell you about the flight! flying has been a fear of mine since it encompasses a lot of my little quirks -- a bit of clostrophobia, a fear of falling, motion sickness and a lack of control (i'm a control freak). however, i truly believe in mind over matter and though i can't say i'm totally cured after yesterday, i do feel much more confident boarding a plane because i did have a nice flight by a window seat (and i looked down!) and i got to read -- which is extraordinary for someone with motion sickness. for anyone who does -- i would def suggest the meds i was perscribed. ask me about it later.

now for some stilframes from Wednesday




dad's breaking the rules.

awwww... it's a friend for peanut!

guys fixing the roof after the hurrican last week. the beach here is closed because of the storm too. *tear*




the rooms are small and lovely ... each one had wine, a fridge full of soda and beer, and a jacuzzi. not too shabby. not to mention the HAMMOCK they have outside. comfy.

























the place is a zoo! there are caged animals -- such as the flamingos and whatever it is caye is playing with, but running around we've found iguanas, snails and lizards!
































marissa got a seafood platter at dinner that included shrimp with's head (and you see her feigning to eat below) and squids' tenicles. i'm a sucker for squid (ha, get it, cause they have suckers like the ones below) so i ate them for her cause she was going to puke just looking at them. yummy!




















the show was supposed to be a fire show, but since it was raining, the show was moved to the lobby -- which has a thatched roof -- not very condusive to fire play. so instead we watched drumming and african, arabian and brazilian dance (where was the mexican?!)

what's organic?

another interesting story on local buying, organic foods

a little more thought on community.

amazing grace, by jonathan kozol, was a sad realization of how community's can be forgotten and fall to pieces when the leaders don't pay attention, forget or don't care. good read, sad read. i suggest it for anyone who cares about people generally.

also, there's going to be a performance in the fringe -- a comedy it seems, with puppets -- that explores gentrification that might be an interesting show to see.

support local businesses too. before you go to walmart or target, make sure there aren't any local stores that carry the same thing -- might be a few more pennies or more difficult parking, but imagine if it was your own business. more importantly, you'll often find more personal help that the smiley figures at walmart and home depot feign to provide. next time, it's likely the independent owner might remember your face with a small reminder. it's unlikely at walmart you will even meet the same person.

i'd be a hypocrite to say i've never gone to walmart or target nor enjoyed the convenience, but i'm just advocating for being more concious. and a fun way to support local business is find a nearby farmers market -- i've learned recently that roxborough has a farmers market on ridge, fridays 2-6 (i think), and i know chestnut hill and east falls also have one. look them up, there's a whole list of Philly farmers markets, except roxborough and east falls isn't on that list. so look for them here!

not so ignorant anymore

when i was young, i never really thought about how our community, government, and life worked. everything just sorta worked out because it was supposed to; there was no question about it. someone was constantly looking out for and overseeing everything -- someone bigger and greater than i. well, i've since lost that ignorance and am well aware that the people running my life, government, community, school are as human (and fallible) as i. and this fascinates me -- likely because i was so ignorant as a kid, sheltered by parents who had no interest in politics or community.

and for someone fascinated by the workings of a community, chestnut hill is the ideal place to observe a functional but crazily operated community. it's a huge success, but behind the scenes can often be chaos -- a truth i know only because i have to report on these people. and despite their craziness, they usually pull off a pretty successful event, community, etc. ... its community association's membership is beginning to struggle now, but we'll see how that goes. i think it's chaos is beginning to backfire and they might have to redirect themselves soon.

anyway, the point of this is that in my fascination, i've learned that aspects of a community i've taken for granted and never thought about -- such as its retail mix and how that effects resident demographics, crime, etc. -- are really very vulnerable without the proper oversight. which brings me to the article i wrote about banks on germantown avenue. it was interesting to discover not only how an increase in bank branches (article on slate.com about it) could effect a commercial corridor, but what was more interesting was how the branches came about. the banks did not all happen to "find" the Hill and open branches, though the community's established history and well-off residents did attract them. but rather it was an increase in chain stores a few years ago, which seemed to have been viewed as a positive move for the Hill, and the chains' ability to pay higher rents that led to an increase in banks ... because, when the chains moved, only banks could afford to move in and pay the higher rent; independent stores can't afford those rents, and landlords still expect the profits.

read on. and part two is here...

peanut is a peanut!

meet the newest member of our little terrace street family! peanut, an eight-week, female kitty that i adopted from a barn in roxborough yesterday. awwwww she's cute!

pull out. (that's what she said)

think he'll listen? why aren't we talking about this more?

this one's for Kristen

i heart bill murray and caddyshack... hehe

yummy suggestion

it sounds like a weird combo, but if you like blueberries (and who doesn't) and coffee, i highly recommend trying blueberry flavored coffee. the New England brand makes a good one, and surprisingly does does Bucks County Coffee Co., from which i just purchased a pound of ground coffee that is delightfully yummy.

where draw the line?

i don't even know what to make of this story! the guy shots an officer in 1966, and when, years later, the officer dies because of complications that were likely attributed to the his being paralyzed from that shot, the shooter could face murder charges? when does the statute of limitations come to play? and who's to say that if he wasn't shot, he could have been killed earlier in some other way? maybe the shooting and his subsequent paralyzing SAVED his life? not that i really think that, but i feel that re-arresting this guy based on the logic that if the officer wasn't shot he'd still be alive right now is along the same logic as that. where do you draw the line?

vaca?

so..... might not be going to mexico. hurricane dean smashed into mexico a few miles from where my fam and i are scheduled to fly into next wednesday. so now it's a waiting game to see if we're going elsewhere or postponing yet again .... sigh.

the true story?

straight from iraq, a troops' perspective that i find fascinating and don't understand how things like this get so little play when the government's press releases are taken as truth.

just saying

lord, i suck at this whole blogging thing. not that anyone is reading it consistently to miss it.

life is busy as it was in July. summer is kind of boring, but today's cold, rainy weather reminds me that fall and winter are right around the corner and i should be enjoying the warmer months while i have them. and next wednesday i leave for mexico for a family vacation. i'll return with photos!

here's something new to share with you, though. and it's interesting how one aspect of your life can often lead you in other directions, ones that you might have been seeking, if only subconsciously, as i apparently was.

i've been tiring of the full-time writing scene for some time, but, hesitant to leave my awesome job situation at the Local, i haven't really thought much about another job, and i don't plan to even now. however, i have sought involvement with activities outside of the Local, and have succeeded in joining two amazing causes.

the first is the establishment of a newspaper at germantown high school, which at the moment is still very much in the works. i came across this opportunity by reporting on building blocks, a soon-to-be nonprofit in germantown that helps students in the high schools have access to the arts -- which with the current state of our city, i see as an incredibly important cause right now -- to encourage a healthy release of students' and teenage opinion, energy and emotion. we're going to start a newspaper this year, and i can't wait to be a part of it -- and advising a student paper has been something i have always wanted to do.

the other opportunity came about because of a story i'm doing for city paper -- back on my feet is a nonprofit that was founded only in july... it serves as a running club for homeless men in shelters and rescue missions in philly. the men in these places are already on their own road to recovery and the running club helps make a tangible representation of their commitment and energy, as well as gives them something more to wake up for each day, not to mention the health benefits!

it's amazing because the same time these guys began running regularly, i began running also, on my own, and when i went running with them for the story (at 6 am on wednesday mornings!) i discovered a reason to keep running. not just for myself, but for them, for energy, for health, and with the goal of participating in 5Ks and other races. i don't think i'll ever reach the energy and drive to run a half marathon (13 miles) or anything .... but it is amazing to witness the dedication of these guys who ARE working toward that goal. and it's not just the dedication, but the encouragement that they provide. they are society's stereotypical "down and out" guys, stepping up as leaders and encouraging friends and others to do the same. they are reaching goals they didn't even think they would be able to reach -- and that's directly from their mouths!

what started as an interesting story has become a new project for me, and besides continuing to run with them each week and potentially becoming more involved in the future of the program, i am also organizing a run for them with mugshots (oct 14, come run!!) -- and btw, working at the cafe has been another random path i took for some extra dough that has turned into an extraordinary opportunity for my personal and professional growth.

so anyways, life is good in the moment, i have a lot to live for and do, and it's more than just myself which makes living all the better.

one interesting thing about running with these guys is they see god as their direction and leader. they believe 100% that he's watching over them and directing them. well, i don't so much believe god's chillin' up there watching and judging what i'm doing ... however, these guys have, partially, given ME a little more direction in my life, as will the students I work with at germantown. i don't believe we're in hell or anything, but i do believe we have no idea what's going to happen after our short time here, and right now this little place in which we live needs a lot of help, and there are a lot of people that could benefit from our individual help, and we shouldn't do it to get into heaven or avoid hell -- why not do it for mike and darren and craig, whose day is better simply because you run with them in the morning or give them a run in the wissahickon to look forward to. or do it for the students that without the newspaper club, wouldn't have an outlet for their frustrations would go home to an empty house, or worse, and wouldn't learn the proper avenues for accomplishing resolution peacefully.

just saying... there's a lot we can do right now.

where have YOU been?

i haven't been writing. between vacation, moving, a second job, relationship changes and a new project, i'm lucky i had time to live. but i am living, and living well. this new project, which i'll remain aloof about for now, though i've told most people i know, is an exciting endeavor that is unlikely to flounder, but i'll let you know.

the reason i'm writing now is to share a single fourth of july photo, of my adorable second cousin which i met for the first time on July 4, and to give a little cover-to-cover update.

that's michael.
so cute ... the rest of my day was spent lying in bed cause i was sick and then, later, standing in the rain at hall & oates concert on the parkway, hoping the fireworks weren't cancelled. they weren't, though we didn't know that since we were told to leave the parkway due to inclement weather and were underground at suburban station when the bursts went off. thanks philly.

anyways. over vacation i dove into wicked, mainly because i have been wanting to and the desire was timely since the musical is running at the keswick until sept. 9, and i wanted to read it before i go see the musical, which i hope to do.

unfortunately, wicked fit the bill when it comes to books that i was told are amazing, then failed to meet my expectations. the book, while interesting and semi-insightful, was easy to put down. had i not been on vacation with tons of time on my hands, it would have taken a long time to read. but in the five day vacation, i was able to finish the book, and though i found it lacking, it was an interesting twist on the tale. there were a few loopholes -- like how the witch never confronted the traveling quad of dorothy, lion, tinman and scarecrow on the trail, but i found the way she, as a witch and with her animals, developed. meh, it's worth reading, and i am still looking forward to the musical.

next i reread a wrinkle in time, which as a young girl was an enlightening and one of my favorite books. now, its cheesey, but i understand why the awkward i loved it as a child. it's for the outcast of the family, and that certainly fits me. while meg's heroic adventures no longer satisfy my current black-sheep feelings, they did when i was little and that's all that matters.

now, i'm reading a book by ian mcewan -- an author i've constantly flirted with. i can't tell you how many times i've picked up his books in borders, yet never bought one. it took borrowing one from jenn to get me to read it, a short one, and so far it's really interesting. a little too much about him and his writing ... i would rather have heard the story of his parent-in-laws rather than his encounters with them, but i'm not done yet, and it is interesting (and short!).

more to come ;)

and i'm back. great.

i miss the sand. i miss the surf. i learned to surf, in fact, while on vacation last week. i have to say that while there, i had no idea how difficult returning to the daily grind would be. especially when that daily grind is compounded by moving a year worth of apparent pack-ratting into boxes that will go to a new place. packing, even with a drink and loud music, offers less fun than i anticipated.

this day in ...

i've only given blood once, and though it took forever (despite my hyper persona apparently i have low blood pressure) i felt good about doing my duty. i haven't donated again since that spring day. i tried twice but had a cold and wasn't allowed in college, but it's an important thing to do, and a medical miracle that started back in 1667, when Dr. Jean Baptiste administered the first human blood transfusion by transfusing the blood of a sheep to a 15-year-old boy. um, gross, but good too, i guess, because that has saved millions, if not more, of lives.

on june 16, preston and steve are hosting a blood drive with the goal of raising 1,000 pints of blood. actually, all the appointments are filled, but keep checking online and you bloody well head down to the plymouth meeting mall (make an appointment first though) if you can, plus you might even get to win def leppard tickets. if you do, take me!

pedaling through the weekend...

this takes some serious dedication.

ok, so i slacked this weekend. saturday i spent the day being athletic, which if you know me is a rarity for this fat arse. i played tennis and rode my bike and (after filling my tires and realizing i wasn't as out of shape as i originally perceived) i have discovered, or maybe rediscovered, a love for bike riding. i hope i stick with it.

speaking of cycling (as the real cyclists call it), i went to the manayunk bike race on sunday and enjoyed the glimpse i received of the riders, and was disappointed that my friends choose to drink and barbeque away from the race course rather than near it. ah, such is life. i at least saw part of it and snapped a few shots. i'll share one later. but i got a nice tan, a nice buzz, and was sober in time to get myself home after a delicious cigar.

if you haven't yet this week, get out and enjoy the weather. it's delectable.

cover-to-cover update

finished black swan green, and now i say things like beaut and snogging because the british have awesome word choice. good coming of age book, though, and the language is entertaining.

i finished the stranger between yesterday and today too. it's apparently a classic, one of those books you are supposed to read. it's short, and definitely a fast read, but i don't feel like i gained much from it. maybe at another time in my life i would. but at least it brings me closer to 25 at the moment.

this day in ...

the christmas carol is classic, tale of two tortures students, oliver twist makes you cry and celebrate, and great expectations holds a haunting story.

read some dickens today, cause this day in 1870, he passed away at the age of 58.


(photo: orwell.ru)

remember when?

sitting in my little sister's graduation, i felt three distinct emotions. the most dominating one was pride, cause she's awesome and graduated. the second was ... i want to say disgust but that's too close minded of me. let's just say, the out-going school president spoke about how Jesus was leading his way and so, considering my beliefs differ in the reliabilty of Jesus' lead, i was worried for him.

look for "marissa pazulski" >>>

and, finally, i felt a rush of nostalgia. not for being in high school, cause lord knows i disliked my high school and, yes, most of the years i spent there, but i realized and missed the complete and utter freedom those kids have. i'm reaching a point in my life where i'm not sure i want to be a writer. i'm realizing that going to school means two things -- i will be tied to philly for at least two years and i'm stacking up more bills -- and i'm considering not going anymore, except then i can't teach, something i definitely want to do. i want to be a leader, but at the moment, i have little in my power to lead. i'm just wondering what to do next, and realizing that my options are much more limited than those high schoolers'.

<<< marissa with the balloons i got her

when i graduate both high school and college, i listened to the speeches of fellow students, adults, administration, parents and felt the cliches go in one ear and out another. not so much the "these are the best years of your life" phrases, because i still don't believe that. if the best years are past when you are 22, well then why do we bother? no, i listened to the adults strung words and phrases like "future is yours," "you can do whatever," "goals," "life." all those speeches were filled with what i thought they were supposed to say. and i thought them sharing that information with me was simply that -- expected encouragement.

but as i sat on the rock hard bleachers yesterday, watching the heads of those students -- some obviously excited for the future, others just wanting the stupid ceremony to be over -- i realized that all those years, the adults meant it. if i said the same words to a young adult or kid now, i would mean it. if i told marissa she could be anything she wanted, i would mean it. she has complete freedom. she might not have the resources, but she could work hard to find them or pass up on opportunities she doesn't deem worth the effort. either way, she's got the freedom to choose.

i studied for years to be a writer. i know i'm not exactly stuck. but i look back at my high school years and realize, hey, i was really good at math. better than english as a matter of fact. could i have been an engineer if my math teacher had as inspiring as my english teacher? and the answer is, quite honestly, maybe. what if mrs. ross cared about her students (she didn't so much) as adamson, my english teacher, did? what then?

what else do you think you could have been?

look ma, no hands!

you know those runners. they are illustrated well in the poweraide commercials ... you know the ones that show people running their tails off and being all happy and confident about it, and then the words, "exercising is a feeling" is spoken by the unseen guy as the runner chugs a bottle? well yippee-kai-yay. go you. aren't you da bomb? (who says that?)

nah, i'm bitter. i'm just jealous of those runners. their confidence. their dedication. i've felt that before. that exhilaration of knowing you just made yourself healthier. but i don't like it, and even though they are acting, i know these people do enjoy it, and there are others like them out there.

i'm familiar with the exhilaration feeling, but you know what feelings i associate running with more often? exhaustion, the fear you aren't going to make it back, more exhaustion, thirst, death (figurative). sweat mixed with tears.

ok, exercising isn't that bad, but it's up there. and when i got into manayunk today on my one-speed (that's right, a class shiney blue, white seated 1960s one-speed mohawk) i looked behind me and thought, lord, i must do that again? it was a long (not to mention slightly hilly) ride.

but i did get back in one piece. i had to walk up the hill near my house, which is quite literally impossible for my little legs to pedal up riding on the mohawk. but regardless, i completed the ride and in just under an hour. all the way to green lane (well ... the street before green because, really, i didn't want to deal with the traffic) and then back to my apartment via ridge and main street. pat on the back!

i'd like to do the same thing on Sunday during the bike race, so i can get to manayunk without driving. actually, that was the point of today's excursion: to find the safest route to get there. however, i believe my safe route is well known -- so much so that i'm pretty sure it is the bike route for the actual race, so i'm not sure i'll be allowed to ride it. and if i am, i'm not sure i want to slowly struggle up the hills in front of the drunken crowd.

(photo: allposters.com)

but i least i know the route now and the next time should be a bit easier. maybe in a few years i'll join the race! haha yea, not likely.

this day in ...

it's the ninth inning, two outs and with one man on, the phils are only one down. pat burell is up, but the phils need more than burrell's .223 average and in goes pinch hitter greg dobbs. who knows what the outcome of this scenerio is with the back-and-forth play the phils have had this year, but having dobbs as an option was not always an option for professional teams. in fact, it was in 1892 that the first pinch hitter, john joseph doyle, was used in a game when he played for the Cleveland Spiders, a team that was active in the late 1800s.

so next time dobbs steps up to the plate, you can thank doyle and the spiders for starting that practice.

i'm going to have to do that more often.

i haven't been to a movie theatre in a long time. but i went twice this week, and though i'm not expert review i'm going to give you a little response to the movies i saw.

first, if you see pirates of the caribbean, re-watch the second one so you're up on the story, savvy? full of action, a bit of cheesey romance, and lots of piratey fun, and i'm no lesbian, but lord if i was, keira knightley would be ... mine.

knocked up -- thought it was going to be just a stupid funny movie ... but it wasn't. the ending was a bit expected, and parts were predictable (except the crowning ... ew!) but it was definitely worth the $10 to go. and i don't spend $10 easily these days.

but you know what's better than just the movies themselves? the escape. for three hours, i forgot that my parents are about as mature as my 19 year old sister. i forgot that i have to move my entire apartment in two weeks. the fact that my alarm will go off at 5 am tomorrow and i'm going to be working straight to 10 pm slipped away from my conscious. it was me, allison, ben and the fact that she was pregnant, and that's it. when i need an escape, i usually read, and i have lately shun going to the movies and watching feel-goods, thinking they add no real value to my life, which lately has been focused on learning from a world i feel i'm just entering really.

but wow, i feel so inspired just having left life for a while. and reading, while an amazing and worthwhile escape, is not the same, because when i have to pee, or grab a drink of water, there's always life smacking you in the face as soon as your eyes wander from the page. but a movie ... ahhh, now that's a different story. not a movie on your home dvd player, but the movie theatre. it's a true escape. if you have to pee, you don't enter back into life. you jump from your semi-conscious state and awake enough to run to one stinky stall, do your duty and then bolt back to your escape.

now i'm back to life. i have to shower, set my alarm and ready myself for another work day, but i feel surprisingly refreshed, more refreshed than i would have felt smoking a camel and reading my book this evening. it was a change of pace too. probably another beneficiary to my feeling of ease and escape.

movie theatres shouldn't be so expensive. enough money for a movie per month should be included in our health insurance, or just cheaper for the public good. i think it would be money well spent.

this day in ...

think the only thing camden is good for is the freeway through to the shore and the tweeter center? well you're kinda right. but on this day in 1933, the first drive-in movie theater opened there, which is awesome. the town has gone downhill since, and drive-ins are near extinct ... wondering if they are connected .... not likely. but interesting to know!