and i'm back. great.

i miss the sand. i miss the surf. i learned to surf, in fact, while on vacation last week. i have to say that while there, i had no idea how difficult returning to the daily grind would be. especially when that daily grind is compounded by moving a year worth of apparent pack-ratting into boxes that will go to a new place. packing, even with a drink and loud music, offers less fun than i anticipated.

this day in ...

i've only given blood once, and though it took forever (despite my hyper persona apparently i have low blood pressure) i felt good about doing my duty. i haven't donated again since that spring day. i tried twice but had a cold and wasn't allowed in college, but it's an important thing to do, and a medical miracle that started back in 1667, when Dr. Jean Baptiste administered the first human blood transfusion by transfusing the blood of a sheep to a 15-year-old boy. um, gross, but good too, i guess, because that has saved millions, if not more, of lives.

on june 16, preston and steve are hosting a blood drive with the goal of raising 1,000 pints of blood. actually, all the appointments are filled, but keep checking online and you bloody well head down to the plymouth meeting mall (make an appointment first though) if you can, plus you might even get to win def leppard tickets. if you do, take me!

pedaling through the weekend...

this takes some serious dedication.

ok, so i slacked this weekend. saturday i spent the day being athletic, which if you know me is a rarity for this fat arse. i played tennis and rode my bike and (after filling my tires and realizing i wasn't as out of shape as i originally perceived) i have discovered, or maybe rediscovered, a love for bike riding. i hope i stick with it.

speaking of cycling (as the real cyclists call it), i went to the manayunk bike race on sunday and enjoyed the glimpse i received of the riders, and was disappointed that my friends choose to drink and barbeque away from the race course rather than near it. ah, such is life. i at least saw part of it and snapped a few shots. i'll share one later. but i got a nice tan, a nice buzz, and was sober in time to get myself home after a delicious cigar.

if you haven't yet this week, get out and enjoy the weather. it's delectable.

cover-to-cover update

finished black swan green, and now i say things like beaut and snogging because the british have awesome word choice. good coming of age book, though, and the language is entertaining.

i finished the stranger between yesterday and today too. it's apparently a classic, one of those books you are supposed to read. it's short, and definitely a fast read, but i don't feel like i gained much from it. maybe at another time in my life i would. but at least it brings me closer to 25 at the moment.

this day in ...

the christmas carol is classic, tale of two tortures students, oliver twist makes you cry and celebrate, and great expectations holds a haunting story.

read some dickens today, cause this day in 1870, he passed away at the age of 58.


(photo: orwell.ru)

remember when?

sitting in my little sister's graduation, i felt three distinct emotions. the most dominating one was pride, cause she's awesome and graduated. the second was ... i want to say disgust but that's too close minded of me. let's just say, the out-going school president spoke about how Jesus was leading his way and so, considering my beliefs differ in the reliabilty of Jesus' lead, i was worried for him.

look for "marissa pazulski" >>>

and, finally, i felt a rush of nostalgia. not for being in high school, cause lord knows i disliked my high school and, yes, most of the years i spent there, but i realized and missed the complete and utter freedom those kids have. i'm reaching a point in my life where i'm not sure i want to be a writer. i'm realizing that going to school means two things -- i will be tied to philly for at least two years and i'm stacking up more bills -- and i'm considering not going anymore, except then i can't teach, something i definitely want to do. i want to be a leader, but at the moment, i have little in my power to lead. i'm just wondering what to do next, and realizing that my options are much more limited than those high schoolers'.

<<< marissa with the balloons i got her

when i graduate both high school and college, i listened to the speeches of fellow students, adults, administration, parents and felt the cliches go in one ear and out another. not so much the "these are the best years of your life" phrases, because i still don't believe that. if the best years are past when you are 22, well then why do we bother? no, i listened to the adults strung words and phrases like "future is yours," "you can do whatever," "goals," "life." all those speeches were filled with what i thought they were supposed to say. and i thought them sharing that information with me was simply that -- expected encouragement.

but as i sat on the rock hard bleachers yesterday, watching the heads of those students -- some obviously excited for the future, others just wanting the stupid ceremony to be over -- i realized that all those years, the adults meant it. if i said the same words to a young adult or kid now, i would mean it. if i told marissa she could be anything she wanted, i would mean it. she has complete freedom. she might not have the resources, but she could work hard to find them or pass up on opportunities she doesn't deem worth the effort. either way, she's got the freedom to choose.

i studied for years to be a writer. i know i'm not exactly stuck. but i look back at my high school years and realize, hey, i was really good at math. better than english as a matter of fact. could i have been an engineer if my math teacher had as inspiring as my english teacher? and the answer is, quite honestly, maybe. what if mrs. ross cared about her students (she didn't so much) as adamson, my english teacher, did? what then?

what else do you think you could have been?

look ma, no hands!

you know those runners. they are illustrated well in the poweraide commercials ... you know the ones that show people running their tails off and being all happy and confident about it, and then the words, "exercising is a feeling" is spoken by the unseen guy as the runner chugs a bottle? well yippee-kai-yay. go you. aren't you da bomb? (who says that?)

nah, i'm bitter. i'm just jealous of those runners. their confidence. their dedication. i've felt that before. that exhilaration of knowing you just made yourself healthier. but i don't like it, and even though they are acting, i know these people do enjoy it, and there are others like them out there.

i'm familiar with the exhilaration feeling, but you know what feelings i associate running with more often? exhaustion, the fear you aren't going to make it back, more exhaustion, thirst, death (figurative). sweat mixed with tears.

ok, exercising isn't that bad, but it's up there. and when i got into manayunk today on my one-speed (that's right, a class shiney blue, white seated 1960s one-speed mohawk) i looked behind me and thought, lord, i must do that again? it was a long (not to mention slightly hilly) ride.

but i did get back in one piece. i had to walk up the hill near my house, which is quite literally impossible for my little legs to pedal up riding on the mohawk. but regardless, i completed the ride and in just under an hour. all the way to green lane (well ... the street before green because, really, i didn't want to deal with the traffic) and then back to my apartment via ridge and main street. pat on the back!

i'd like to do the same thing on Sunday during the bike race, so i can get to manayunk without driving. actually, that was the point of today's excursion: to find the safest route to get there. however, i believe my safe route is well known -- so much so that i'm pretty sure it is the bike route for the actual race, so i'm not sure i'll be allowed to ride it. and if i am, i'm not sure i want to slowly struggle up the hills in front of the drunken crowd.

(photo: allposters.com)

but i least i know the route now and the next time should be a bit easier. maybe in a few years i'll join the race! haha yea, not likely.

this day in ...

it's the ninth inning, two outs and with one man on, the phils are only one down. pat burell is up, but the phils need more than burrell's .223 average and in goes pinch hitter greg dobbs. who knows what the outcome of this scenerio is with the back-and-forth play the phils have had this year, but having dobbs as an option was not always an option for professional teams. in fact, it was in 1892 that the first pinch hitter, john joseph doyle, was used in a game when he played for the Cleveland Spiders, a team that was active in the late 1800s.

so next time dobbs steps up to the plate, you can thank doyle and the spiders for starting that practice.

i'm going to have to do that more often.

i haven't been to a movie theatre in a long time. but i went twice this week, and though i'm not expert review i'm going to give you a little response to the movies i saw.

first, if you see pirates of the caribbean, re-watch the second one so you're up on the story, savvy? full of action, a bit of cheesey romance, and lots of piratey fun, and i'm no lesbian, but lord if i was, keira knightley would be ... mine.

knocked up -- thought it was going to be just a stupid funny movie ... but it wasn't. the ending was a bit expected, and parts were predictable (except the crowning ... ew!) but it was definitely worth the $10 to go. and i don't spend $10 easily these days.

but you know what's better than just the movies themselves? the escape. for three hours, i forgot that my parents are about as mature as my 19 year old sister. i forgot that i have to move my entire apartment in two weeks. the fact that my alarm will go off at 5 am tomorrow and i'm going to be working straight to 10 pm slipped away from my conscious. it was me, allison, ben and the fact that she was pregnant, and that's it. when i need an escape, i usually read, and i have lately shun going to the movies and watching feel-goods, thinking they add no real value to my life, which lately has been focused on learning from a world i feel i'm just entering really.

but wow, i feel so inspired just having left life for a while. and reading, while an amazing and worthwhile escape, is not the same, because when i have to pee, or grab a drink of water, there's always life smacking you in the face as soon as your eyes wander from the page. but a movie ... ahhh, now that's a different story. not a movie on your home dvd player, but the movie theatre. it's a true escape. if you have to pee, you don't enter back into life. you jump from your semi-conscious state and awake enough to run to one stinky stall, do your duty and then bolt back to your escape.

now i'm back to life. i have to shower, set my alarm and ready myself for another work day, but i feel surprisingly refreshed, more refreshed than i would have felt smoking a camel and reading my book this evening. it was a change of pace too. probably another beneficiary to my feeling of ease and escape.

movie theatres shouldn't be so expensive. enough money for a movie per month should be included in our health insurance, or just cheaper for the public good. i think it would be money well spent.

this day in ...

think the only thing camden is good for is the freeway through to the shore and the tweeter center? well you're kinda right. but on this day in 1933, the first drive-in movie theater opened there, which is awesome. the town has gone downhill since, and drive-ins are near extinct ... wondering if they are connected .... not likely. but interesting to know!

out of sight, out of mind.

when i read about WWI, WWII and Vietnam, about the cold war and the gulf war, and others in the past, i'm amazed about how people got through day-to-day. i'm amazed that they weren't consumed by the battles overseas and the americans that lost their lives every day.

but then i hear about someone like kyle, who called into mmr's morning show this morning, and thanked preston and steve for what they do each morning. he said he would miss listening to them every morning as he headed to basic training in preparation to be sent overseas.

i forget we are at war sometimes. no one in my life is directly affected by the war, so unless i'm reading about it, it's usually not on my mind. but i am an american during wartime, and when people read the history books about us, they are going to wonder how we lived day to day with a president who lies and our people fighting in a war based on those lies. they will perceive that everyday, i woke up thinking about this, knowing the inevitable end of the war that has yet to end in my life. i don't know what's in store for us, and i don't think about it.

and i realize how, during those past wars, americans got through day-to-day --- they just lived.

everything i've read or watched about those wars gave me the perception that everyone was affected by the wars every moment of every day, because the history books understandably focus on the people that were affected, for the most part. they aren't going to do a historical account about me and my day, and they didn't do wartime focused movies about people that were like me during that time.

so in my ignorance, i assume this war is less important, dramatic, detrimental, than those past wars, because i forget that there were unaffected people like me in those times. and i don't yet know the lesson learned.

but when our history books are written, our descendants are going to read about a time when government lied, war went on based on those lies and lives were lost because of it. they are going to read about libby, and bush, and the patriot act, and ultimately about the lesson we learned by living through it all. they are going to read about the women who lost husbands and children, and the men who lost lives and limbs.

important history is going on right now, and i'm just thinking about what to buy my sister for her graduation on friday.

this day in .... 1851!

ever suffer through a reading of uncle tom's cabin for school? or maybe you enjoyed it. either way, on this day in 1851, Harriet Beecher Stow revealed a bit of the US's slavery world she portrayed with the publishing of the first installment of the book in The National Era, an abolitionist paper.

i want to say media and the US should be thankful for the progress we've made in censorship that allowed such revealing works to enter the public, but really ... with president bush's men watching our every move, imus being kicked off the air (i don't support the use of his language, however if you're going to pay a man million of dollars to speak those words, don't fire him when someone gets offended) and so many politically incorrect words that writers need a thesaurus for the pc ones ... i'm not sure i feel comfortable claiming that.

(photo: www.loc.gov)

por ejemplo

speaking of being jealous of other people living life ..... check out Kimberly Byrd in the inky.

jealous bean

i have a great job. i enjoy writing, reporting, photographing, editing. but sometimes, as i walk down the Avenue past a PennDot crew, or interview a teacher or shop owner or especially a non-profit director, i feel a pang of jealousy.

in when harry met sally (an awesome movie, but i swear the frequent references are not purposeful. just a coincidence) ... harry tells sally she wants to be a journalist so she can report on others living life instead of living life for herself. sometimes, that's how i feel. i feel like i'm talking to people who are making a difference, making life interesting, (making money, haha), and that i'm just watching and conveying. cause i am.
(photo: juniperimages.com)

now at the cafe, though it's just pouring coffee and talking to the people coming in to get coffee, i can be part of that life. i can plan events and provide people not only food and drink, but possibly a smile, a conversation, an entertaining evening.

(photo: www.hyperbio.net)

i know that's a sickeningly optimistic outlook to a second job that requires some 6 am work days. i was almost sick myself writing all this. but it's very true. i'm looking forward to having a job with slightly stricter hours, mundane interaction and a line of customers winding around the counter and out the door. i naively think the experience will be like the shop and camaraderie in chocolat, though i think that's going beyond optimism and into fantasy.

but you never know.

sad.

i wrote yesterday that the reuters story didn't mention philly as one of the cities with the highest murder rate, but today the inky reported that philly has the highest rate.

we're not alone. not sure that's a good thing.

reuters reports that cities nationwide are dealing with this increase in homicides and violence -- largely from young kids/gangs. we're not the only ones. in fact, according to the article, Philly isn't even one of the top cities with the biggest increases. can you imagine?

e-trash

what happens when you ditch the old PC or Mac for the newer model? the computer, unfortunately, does not go to giga-heaven. and in most cases it can't be used since by the time you ditch a computer, it's likely because it's ancient in technology years (which work on same scale similar to dog years). in many cases, apparently, they go to Guiyu, China.

(photo: images.jupiterimages.com/)

story provided by robyn john., who wrote, "something to ponder on your dreary monday morning. i saw a report on current tv about it last night. insane."

bottles canned

hmmmm beer. i want to think the colors and design are too kindergarten, but they aren't. they are cool. and i'm trying to be more green-minded, so in that department, this is pretty darn cool. i've never been to monks ... i have to get myself there.

new york, new york

the perks of being a wallflower -- read it. it's so good, i suggest it to all.

new york city is an interesting place, but i don't think my next trip will include times square. it's not just the out of control advertising and the crowds -- but why go? there was nothing to do except look up and around you with a gaping mouth and hope that you aren't pausing long enough to get run over by people, car, bike, taxi or bus. we did go into m&m world. wahoo? ... yea ...

after a few hours of milling around with the times square crowds, a stroll around central park and a brief subway detour (whoops, we went the wrong way on the 1 route), john and i found ourselves in greenwich village. a good philly comparison is university city/west philly with a huge fountain area. it's touristy, but it was nothing like times square, and it's a healthy mix of locals selling wares at street fairs with tourists taking a break from the nyc we had experienced on the other end of the subway line. after weaving through the awesome flea markets (good thing i didn't bring cash), we ended up at the washington square arch that was in when harry met sally! i don't know new york well, so if i'm butchering/omitting names, deal cause i am a tourist. since my feet were hot and blistered (who wears flipflops to NYC? duh) ... we sat on the edge of a huge fountain in washington square and i took pictures of adorable children playing in the water ... except the naked one, i didn't think that would be appropriate. that was the best part ... just hanging out with people, in the water, taking pictures, on such a gorgeous day. i was like being here, but not. i guess we really didn't have to go two hours away to do that, but eh .. i guess i know what i like, whether in nyc or philly.


then we topped the day off with a good beer and chicago which was amazing. even joey lawrence did not fail to impress.

happy birthday-present me :)

mixed tapes

remember making mixed tapes and cds before the iPod era?

anyone wanna make me a mixed cd? i know some of these songs, most these artists and would like to hear the mixed tape charlie makes in wallflowers.

i'm well aware i can do this myself, however, with a lack of downloading software and no interest in slowing down my fast-moving, virus-free computer with DL-ing of any kind, i thought i would ask you. plus, it's just more fun to receive a mixed tape than make one yourself, don't you think? even if you know the songs, it carries an element of surprise.

expectations

i suck at blogging. that's obvious.

but i'm going to make a real attempt this time. i promise.

at the border book store's counter yesterday, the girl told me this was her favorite book. i had picked it up because ill-read me recognized the title so that must mean it's been talked about, and not on oprah. but i had conflicting expectations. see, whenever someone praises a book and tells me it's the best, a classic, their favorite, like catcher in the rye, i am disappointed when i sit down to read it. and this book, the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky, was not only well known, but the girl behind the counter said it was her favorite book AND it's back cover review compared to catcher. not a good sign for muah.

but i've discovered for myself a real treasure.

i haven't been able to put it down (except to fall asleep and work, cause i gots to). i'm almost halfway done, and it's perfect for a person who, in this moment of her life, is struggling with the reality of being vulnerably alive in the usually immortal summer months.

i've been working toward my 25 book limit. granted i'm cheating slightly because a lot of books have been short, but i've been legitimately interested in every one, and there's even been one i wasted time reading only about 1/5 of it before realizing i wasn't getting through it. it's not on my list.

at the moment, i've lost count of where i am in reaching 25.

... scouring bookshelf for those read recently ...

TEN! wallflowers is number 10. nice. almost half way through. in case you care what that 10 has included, shift your eyes to the right. that's not bad. the summer is the best time to read. plus i don't have classes. only moving (to manayunk!) and a second job at a cafe.

scoff at the cafe job if you wish, but it's much more than pouring coffee and i've a desire to learn to make mochas and espresso. and it's a neat, fair trade-focused cafe, environmentally aware and i might get to help event plan and market, which, as you may not know, was my area of study in college and i actually miss being a part of. so, we shall see how that goes. the occasional 6 am morning may wear on my lack of morning personality.

and in conclusion, tomorrow i head to the new city of york to walk the city streets in the day and then i get to see the musical Chicago (not the band. did that last summer), in which joey lawrence of blossom fame ... apparently makes his broadway debut. hmmm. let's hope it's not another of broadway's marketing attempts (anyone see reality show that allowed america to vote for the actors to play Danny and Sandy in a broadway production of grease? come on, we choose g.w. what made them think we could choose broadway performers. oh, that's right, maybe because we know more about rosie vs. the view than, you know, the actual war. hmmm).

anyways, i should have some stillframes to share of the big apple. keep your peepers on the lookout.